


Shattering Stars

by sunaddicted



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), London Spy
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:30:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9860315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunaddicted/pseuds/sunaddicted
Summary: [...] James selected a piece by Rachmaninoff he knew Q was particularly fond of and tried to pretend everything was fine.





	

_Shattering Stars_

Q knew his lovers were just worried about him - understandably so since he had been hiding in the guest room for a whole week and barely spoke or ate - but their anxious glances and pleading inquiries made his nerves thrum with irrational anger, driving him progressively closer to snapping; when he felt his vocal chords itch with the need of shouting at them to shut the fuck up and leave him alone, Q gathered one of his cats in his arms and hid his face in their fluffy fur, using their possessive streaks as a shield. But cats weren't admitted at the dining table - James had been stern on that particular rule when they had all moved in together - so, he was left alone to fend for himself during breakfast.

Danny attempted to card his clumsy fingers through his unruly curls but Q shied away from his tender touch: he was absolutely sure that his composure would go down the drain as soon as one of his lovers caressed him, making his impassive mask crumble to dust and leaving him defenceless against the despair eating him alive from the insides "Love, what's wrong?" Danny pleaded, eyes shining with tears and lips quivering, pain and worry etched allover his familiar features.

Q let his fingers go slack around the fork and winced as its clattering against the china resonated unbelievably loud in the quietness of their kitchen "I need to get dressed" he stated coldly, eyes downcast to avoid looking at James' tired and troubled face and hiding from Alex's inquisitive gaze. On his way to the guest room, he stopped only to pick a mewling Turing up from the floor before his fussing could get on James' already thin nerves: he wouldn't hurt the cat but Q didn't want to unnerve him more than he already was.

He closed the door behind his back, turning the key in the lock to silently attest his need for loneliness and to put a layer between himself and the chaos he knew was going to happen in the kitchen. Q heard a plate shatter in the sink and vividly imagined Danny shaking fingers clumsily dropping it, fingers that surely were tugging at his hair while his desperate sobs filled their silent flat; then a chair fell loudly to the floor, the beautifully carved wood no doubt splintering because of the hard impact, as if James had stood up with too much force from it - Alex would have never made such a racket, even while troubled by something; the more rational of his lovers was probably attempting to calm Danny down as he shot a reproaching glance at a maddeningly pacing James.

Q curled on the messy sheets he hadn't bothered to change and blinked rapidly to keep the tears from falling on his cheeks, scratching Turing behind his twitching ears to reassure the worried cat even as he quietly hyperventilated: he didn't want to hurt them - he loved them more than anyone in the world; he wished he could open up, tell them why he was hurting so much, but they couldn't know a thing about his past and his family: he couldn't tell them his mother had died asking after the son she hadn't seen in ten years.

Q had had a fairly peaceful relationship with his mother, despite the fact warmth wasn't in her nature; she was supportive and open minded, even towards his homosexuality and weird interest in computers, and it was thanks to her interference that he and his father had managed to interact without screaming abuse at each other. He missed her lilting voice that sang senseless lyrics while she did the chores and her twinkling laughter that made even his stern father crack a delighted smile; he missed the clogging scent of her rose-perfumed shampoo that tenaciously clung to her clothes and the crisp fragrance of the coffee she brewed for her sisters when they came to visit; he missed the way she would inquire after what he was tinkering with even if she didn't understand a fraction of his excited explanations and the proud kisses she would bestow on his brow; he missed the calls she made every Sunday to make sure he wasn't being overworked or starving; he missed the horrible jumpers she knitted for him every Christmas.

He missed having a mother - a feeling his lovers would have understood well: James barely remembered his parents, Alex's family was so twisted up that he never had a 'mother' as commonly intended and Danny had spent his childhood in an unloving home, striving to be a good son.

Q shook his head and forced himself to get dressed, knowing that James was waiting for him so he could drive him to headquarters. He threw on a pair of wrinkled trousers that he was sure were Danny's and a fluffy sweater Alex had gifted him for his birthday, uncaring of how the colours and patterns clashed vividly: geek chic justified almost everything.

As soon as he got out of the room, James wrapped him in a scarf, subtly scanning his torso and frowning darker as he counted the bones under his digits "So thin" he muttered mournfully as he eased Q's limbs in a heavy coat; Q itched to point out he was well past the age of needing someone to dress him up, but wisely kept his mouth shut and let James care for him.

Alex patiently smiled at him from the other half of the room, respecting his wish of lack of physical contact; Q couldn't fathom why everyone assumed he was some kind of unfeeling machine: of the four of them, Alex was the only one who could easily tune on the others' moods and act accordingly.

  
Danny gave him a small Tupperware box, blabbering something about almond biscuits covered in white chocolate "Please, eat something" Q had to recognise Danny could be sneaky when he wanted: he knew he couldn't resist eating sweets, especially those Danny himself had baked.

Q clenched his fingers around the box and let James steer him out of home, his spine stiffening under the gentle touch of his calloused hand "I need to pick some tea up: we're out of Earl Grey in Q-branch"

James hummed as they slipped into the car "There's a Tesco on our way to headquarters" He reached for the touchscreen of the radio "Can I turn the music on?" he asked, remembering how music tended to unnerve Q whenever he was in a mood; at his nod, James selected a piece by Rachmaninoff he knew Q was particularly fond of and tried to pretend everything was fine.

* * *

Q wasn't particularly surprised to be picked up from work by Alex and quickly slipped into the car to warm himself, letting Dvorak's "Romance for piano and violin, op. 11" wash the hectic day away from his mind.

"You know we love you and you can tell us anything, don't you?" The words rolled down Alex's tongue smoothly, startling Q who hadn't been expecting Alex to 'attack'.

"My mother died last Monday" Q blurted out and bit down on his lower lip, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt pain mercilessly shred his heart: saying it out aloud definitely was worse than consciously thinking about it. He felt the car sensibly gain speed and Q was grateful for Alex's prompt reaction and lacking of pitying words: now that he had let the truth slip from his mouth, he wanted nothing more than to curl in bed with his lovers and cry while cocooned in their welcoming and protective warmth.

When they walked in their home, Danny immediately crowded Q, fingers fluttering against his stubbled cheeks to dry the tears that kept spilling from those jade-green irises "What happened? Are you hurt? Do you need a doctor?" he blabbered in a panicked voice, looking at Alex for guidance.

"His mother died last Monday"

"Oh, love" Danny sighed, immediately calming down and enveloping Q in a hug "You didn't need to keep it for yourself"

Q hid his face in Danny's neck and breathed in the smell of the tomato soup he had been making for dinner "I-I've eaten the biscuits" he stammered while sniffling wetly.

"Were they any good? I tried out a new recipe" Danny tried to make Q focus in something else as he and Alex steered him towards the couch.

Q let himself be ensconced inbetween his lovers "I liked them" He sniffled some more and accepted the handkerchief Alex offered him "James?"

"Out"

"Where?"

Alex shrugged "Who knows" The disapproval in his voice suggested that he thought James was out drinking "He's not picking up our calls"

Q nodded and kissed his frowning mouth "That's how he deals with everything that emotionally troubles him" he sighed before dipping his tongue into Alex's mouth, tasting peppermint.

"You should call James, he'll answer to you" Danny pointed out while getting rid of Q's scarf and rubbing his nose against the slightly sweaty skin of his neck "And possibly come home before drinking himself into oblivion"

Q extracted his mobile from the pocket of his coat and dialled the number he knew by heart, counting Alex's heartbeats to keep track of how long it took James to answer.

"Q, love, is something wrong?" James' voice came through crystalline and clearly still sober.

"Could you come home?" he asked "I'm not hurt" he quickly added, not wanting to make James uselessly worry "I just need all my men with me" Q confessed, his voice wavering as tears threatened to spill again.

"Give me ten minutes, love"

***

James walked in the dark flat, not panicking only because of the music he could hear coming from the bedroom; he had never been a fan of the classical genre, but living with two men who greatly appreciated it, he had grown fonder of that type of music and even recognised his favourites - such as Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" playing in the dark.

He quietly made his way towards the bedroom, shoes in hand in order to make as less noise as possible in case his lovers had fallen asleep. When he peeked in, a smile blossomed on his mouth at the sight of Q lightly snoring, curled on Alex's chest and holding hands with Danny: their bed had looked almost empty without Q sprawled in it, hogging the blankets and the pillows and whining that the middle was his rightful place.

James got rid of his clothes and slipped under the covers on the other side of Alex. As if sensing his presence, Q grumbled in his sleep and wriggled in James' arms, kicking Danny in the ribs and elbowing Alex's cheekbone in the process "I'm here, love" he whispered as he gathered him closer to his chest.

Q blinked owlishly "James" The younger man sniffled "James, my mother is dead"

James squeezed Q harder and kissed his eyelids; he was torn between being glad Q was alright - he had started to fear he wanted do break up with them or worse, that he had discovered he had some kind of incurable sickness - and being sad for his loss "I love you, sunshine" he uttered in the end, knowing that only tune and support would chase the pain away.

Gratefully, Q kissed him and fell asleep counting his heartbeats.


End file.
